Come Undone
by Amanda Hawthorn
Summary: Post Burnout Sara takes Grissom home GSR


**DISCLAIMER: CSI belongs to CBS and Alliance-Atlantis Productions. No infringement intended.  
SPOILERS:** Burn Out and a tiny one for LLV

**SUMMARY:** Sara takes Grissom home

**FEEDBACK:** Love it, but no flames please I'm fragile!!

**AUTHORS NOTES**: I want to thank everyone over the past few years that have offered their constant support. I've been offline for a long time, but the PM's and feedback I am still receiving are very heartwarming, thank you. This story and other new one's will be posted on my site as soon as I'm back online properly, but until then they'll probably appear first on Grissom and Sara yahoo group, unless I can get to a regular connection before then. Cindy (sg1phileshipper) has offered to post them for me as soon as they're all completed and placed on a disk for her. Thanks hun you're a star

Thank you for all the requests for Kiss of the butterfly's sequel. I haven't forgotten and I promise I will have something for all of you soon.

Lastly, thank you to my niece Kelly who has beta-ed all my new fics. You're a star too, but you know that already!

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Come Undone

Grissom closed himself off from the yelling accusations, turning his back on the horror that had started to unfold in the hallway, when a paedophile and an abusive grandfather hurled violent threats to one another as their paths inevitably crossed. He'd seen this all too often and he was becoming tired of trying to make sense of what caused anyone to hurt a defenceless child.

Retreating inside Brass's office he shut the door and closed the blinds, his mind already starting to conjure images and shadows from the past that only succeeded to collide with the present. Moving over to the couch he eased himself down onto it and lay down. He knew all too well the pounding inside his skull, and closed his eyes against the tell tale signs of an approaching migraine.

He tried to block out the voices in the hallway but failed miserably and ended sitting back up to watch the shadows passing outside in the hallway. His whole body screamed out in frustration, and these last few months had only succeeded in magnifying the death and destruction they all had to deal with on a daily basis. With a heavy groan, he brought his hands up to his head, his fingers rubbed tiredly at his temples in a bid to ease some of the tension, but it wasn't having much effect. He hadn't had many headaches over the last two years, at least none as bad as this, and he suspected most of that was due to his relationship with Sara and her ability to calm him down.

Her face sprang into his mind, her image bringing a burst of relief along with it. She had come into his world so long ago offering him another life that he had been so afraid to take. But despite everything he had put her through, after every rejection and every hurtful thing he'd said to her, she had stayed. For a long time he questioned the 'why's' and what she could possibly see in a man like him, but she'd conquered every doubt he'd had, until he realised what a fool he had been.

She had stood in her apartment doorway the night they had got Nick back, her haunted eyes watching him warily as he took a step towards her. He'd half expected her to back away, but she stood still as he reached out to touch her arm. He hadn't known that touching her bare skin would render him powerless, and he hadn't known that seeing her eyes suddenly pool with tears would break down his barriers so easily.

"Sara," his voice choked, he too unprepared for the sudden need to hold her. He wanted her comfort as much as he needed to give her his, and when he reached out his other hand to touch hers, his walls crashed down around him when her tears finally tumbled down her cheeks.

He'd moved closer then and wound his arms around her body and buried himself in her, reassured when she finally wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. Neither had spoken, both of them knowing how much they needed each other.

They hadn't been apart since.

A soft tap on the glass half an hour later brought him out of his reclusive state and he looked up as the door slowly opened. His eyes focussed and his heart ached when he saw who had interrupted his silence, relieved that it was her.

"I was getting worried about you," Sara told him softly as she stood in the doorway. When he didn't answer she sighed sadly and took up her usual place against the doorframe. "Are you okay?"

Grissom's eyes met hers and he knew instantly that she would know that he wasn't. He shook his head anyway, and watched her take only a second to abandon her place at the door to move inside the room. Sara stood a little away from him, her hands desperate to touch him. Looking behind her at the now empty corridor, she stepped a little closer to lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Come home with me?" she whispered softly, urging him to look up into her eyes. "Let me take care of you?"

"I can't," he croaked painfully when another surging ache rolled through his head. Glancing up at her he offered what he hoped was a heartening smile. "I don't have any medication at your place. Can you come home with me, instead?"

The love in her eyes almost caused him to catch his breath and when she reached for him, his eyes fluttered closed with her delicate touch. Sara smiled then, her fingers tracing the lines in his forehead, soothing away the pain with her soft ministrations. She stepped a little closer, her fingers coming to rest in his hair as she threaded them through his greying curls. "You know I will."

His eyes opened and met hers, both conveying without words just how much they meant to each other. Grissom didn't think he could ever grow tired of the woman before him. He loved the way she loved him, her devotion, at times taking his breath away. Nothing could ever compare to the feelings she stirred up within him and he suddenly found himself needing to feel the warmth of her body, but before he could reach out and touch her, Sara dropped her hand and stepped away.

His body ached for her, and he didn't even try to hide his disappointment when she denied him. Glancing up, he could see an apology in her eyes and just how much she wanted to wrap her arms around him.

Turning away from him, Sara looked back over her shoulder when she reached the open door and saw him still transfixed on her. She smiled at him adoringly and wanted nothing more than to ruffle his hair and kiss his pain away, but he hadn't moved.

"You know, me taking you home usually requires you to follow me," she chided softly when she caught the awe and tenderness in his eyes.

Grissom stared at her for a few seconds, his brain slowly catching up with the rest of his body before rising to his feet. Sara was his salvation, his not so guilty secret that he selfishly kept to himself. He didn't know if he would ever be able to live his life without her anymore, and that scared him to death. The test would come soon enough though, he mused, when he could finally pluck up the courage to tell her he was thinking of going on a four-week sabbatical. But he didn't want to think of that right now, all he wanted to do was find peace in her arms.

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The drive back to his town house was made in comfortable silence, neither of them feeling the need for words. Grissom was increasingly grateful for her when she allowed him his space, never crowding him when she sensed he needed time alone. But that was one of the many things he loved about her, she hadn't tried to change him.

Sara pulled Grissom's car to a stop outside of his house and turned her head to watch him silently. She still had those moments when she had twinges of insecurity, even when his eyes voiced the words that he couldn't seem to say. But she trusted him and had started to feel more secure in their relationship, especially when he handed her the keys to his beloved car and asked her to drive. She wondered if it had affected him to see the silly grin she had on her face when he gave her his car keys as well as his absolute trust.

Sara watched him for a few more moments letting her eyes linger over his tired form. His eyes were closed and his brow furrowed, and he looked so vulnerable. Reaching out a hand she gently stroked his arm, as much to rouse him as well as for her own selfish reasons for touching him. "We're here."

Grissom cracked open one eye and smiled at her apologetically before shifting in his seat and rubbed his hands over his eyes before unclipping his seatbelt. "Sorry, honey," he sighed, "must have dozed off."

"Come on," she smiled as she reached over to squeeze his hand. "Let's get you inside."

He watched her as she withdrew her hand and opened her door, before he stepped out of his side to join her on the sidewalk. He couldn't help the smile that greeted her and he found his hand slipping easily into hers. Their public show of affection could have so easily been seen by anyone passing by, but he didn't care. Their hands were still joined when she slid her key into his lock and opened the door, smiling brightly before ushering him inside. It was only when she turned around to lock the door behind her that her hand slipped from his.

"Go and sit down, Gris. I'll be there in a sec."

Sara made her way straight to the kitchen when she followed him into the house, all the while keeping a careful eye on him. Pulling open one of the higher cupboard doors she took out his medication and emptied two pills into her hand and then turned to watch him when he sank down onto his couch and laid back, covering his eyes.

Sara sighed forlornly; she wanted so much to be able to clear his mind of all the things that caused him pain, and to protect him from every kind of evil that came into their lives on a daily basis. He was always the one part of her life that she'd held on to, even before they started seeing each other on a personal level. He was the one constant that kept her grounded, and chased her nightmares away. How many times had she awoken in their bed gasping for breath when the dreams had almost overwhelmed her? How many times had he pulled her back down beside him to encompass her in his arms and whisper that everything was all right, that she was safe and he would never let anyone hurt her?

Her mind replayed his tender moments over and over again as she turned to fill a glass with water before heading over to him. He didn't move when she knelt down beside him, so she reached out to put the glass on the coffee table beside her before giving him her full attention. She regarded him for a long moment, her eyes gazing over his tired form; she hated seeing him like this, he looked so lost and so fragile.

"Hey," she whispered softly, rubbing his arm gently when he slowly opened his eyes to look at her. She met his gaze with a tender one of her own as she held out her hand. "Here, take these."

Grissom sat up a little and opened his hand, silently thanking her when she slipped the pills into his palm. He was so glad she was here with him, not only because of the way she was taking care of him now, but because she gave him so much more than he ever could have hoped for.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked worriedly as she watched him wash the pills down with the water she handed him.

"Yeah," he sighed with a smile, hoping she hadn't noticed him wincing when he handed the glass back to her.

Sara nodded knowingly and took the glass from his hands, her fingers grazing his. She kept a watchful eye on him for a few more moments before she shifted onto her knees and stood back up. She couldn't help but smile down at him when he leaned back onto the couch, his eyes closing even before she turned away from him to make her way back into the kitchen to place the glass in the sink.

Sara looked at him from where she stood and found herself memorising every part of him. His eyes were closed again and she wanted nothing more than to hold him close, and ease the pain away, but even after all this time, he still held so much back from her. Something other than the cases usually sparked off his darker moods, and sometimes it took a lot of effort on her part to reach him.

She had already made a silent vow after so many years of loving him, that she would always protect him from anything that caused him pain. Even though she had never voiced her feelings for him in actual words, she knew Grissom knew that she loved him. She only wished she could convey the depth of her love to him without the constant fear of scaring him away. But she had already been burned so many times by him in the past, that the words couldn't ever be spoken aloud, unless she was prepared to accept the consequences of him pushing her away. With a heavy sigh she turned from her vigil of him and left the room to make the short distance to the bedroom.

Sunlight streamed in through the open blinds, casting beams of light to cascade across the bed. Sara smiled when she moved over to the windows to close the blinds, remembering the first time she had awoken in this room to a tangle of sheets and Grissom's arms wrapped tightly around her. She had expected to feel uncomfortable, or at least a little embarrassed, but neither of them had expected the ease in which they'd fallen into each other's lives.

For almost two years they had been content with living in their secret, hiding their relationship from everyone around them. Sara sighed when sudden sadness, albeit briefly, sprang into her mind. Sometimes she wished for more, sometimes the selfish part of her ached to walk out into the sunshine with him, to walk beside him holding his hand, to kiss him in public and let the whole world that she, Sara Sidle, wasn't destined to be alone anymore. Pushing the pangs of disillusionment as far away as possible, she left the darkened bedroom, to return back to the living room.

"The bed's all ready for you," she told him, keeping her voice quiet as she came to kneel beside him again. Lifting a hand to his, she stroked his fingers. "I'll stay out here so you can get some rest."

"I want you with me," he mumbled, lacing his fingers through hers before she could move away.

"I'll always be with you," she told him, her voice catching in her throat as she touched his knee. God, how she loved this man.

Grissom smiled even though he had his eyes closed. For the first time in his life he finally understood what it was to be loved unconditionally, and he'd never felt so completely adored.

"Come on," she told him, her voice gentle but commanding. Before he could respond she was already reaching out and gently tugging on his hand. "Let's get you to bed."

If he was totally honest with himself, Grissom quite liked this side of her. She loved him like no one else ever had. She took care of him in ways that he could never comprehend, and he knew deep down inside that she was the only woman he had ever truly been in love with, even though he'd never had the courage to tell her. But no matter what the situation she always managed to make him feel good, and this time was no different.

"Yes dear," he smiled as he opened his eyes, the pain from his forming migraine dissipating slowly.

Sara gazed down at him in total adoration. She loved his soft endearments whichever one he chose to use, and sometimes she wanted to find an endearment to give back to him, but nothing seemed to fit. She'd called Hank 'baby' once, a mistake that simply was never repeated, and she could'nt even remember why she'd said it. Hank was never her 'baby', her 'honey', or her 'sweetheart.' But Grissom, this beautiful man whom she loved more than anything in the world was so much more than any pet name she could think of.

Sara smiled as he followed her up the stairs to the hallway that led to his bedroom, swiftly remembering how he'd insisted that she call it theirs. They practically lived together now anyway, either in his town house or in her apartment, neither willing to be apart from the other even for one night. He followed her without a word, a hint of a smile forming on his lips when he remembered one of those other times she had dragged him down the hall, the only difference being that this time they were both fully clothed.

There was nothing sexual about this time, even though she poured love into him through their joined hands, and he wondered again how he had been so lucky that she thought he was worthy of her love. He was still in awe with her, still so very much aware that she was the one true love of his life, and when she gave him a gentle push to sit him down on the bed, he knew he would give her everything he possessed.

Grissom watched her silently as she moved to kneel on the floor beside the bed, her soft fingers tracing his trouser covered calves as she reached beneath the material and caressed the skin she found underneath. It was the briefest of touches, soft and gentle, but it still sent shivers through Grissom's entire body.

Reaching his feet, Sara slipped off his shoes and was suddenly struck by a powerful surge of longing. Looking up she smiled when she found herself captured in his eyes. He was gazing at her adoringly, his eyes showing her just how much her being here had changed him.

"Get some rest," she told him gently as she slowly pushed him down to lie on top of the bed covers and tried not to notice that his eyes were on her the entire time. When she was satisfied that he would actually do as she told him and stay put, she met his gaze as she slowly ran a hand over his face before sitting down onto the edge of the bed beside him.

"Thank you," he whispered, his eyes slipping closed.

"Do you need anything?" she asked softly as she reached out to close a hand over his, letting her warmth flood into him.

Grissom's eyes opened again to see her leaning close to him and he turned his hand palm up to interlock their fingers. "I need you."

"You have me," she told him, unable to keep the emotion from welling in her eyes. Moving forward she pressed a soft kiss to his forehead before sitting back again to look into his deep blue depths. "You've always had me."

Something in her voice caused Grissom to tighten his hand in hers, pulling her closer towards him until she leaned the top half of her body over him and laid her head on his chest. He loved their familiarity and the reassurance she brought to him. Some couples used sex for closeness, but with Sara, moments like these were just as intimate and important as the ones they shared in passion. Raising his free hand he laced his fingers through her hair, stroking her soft strands.

"This has to be a world record for me. I think my headache's starting to ease off," he told her in a gravelled whisper. "You're good for me."

"I've been trying to tell you that for years!" Sara smiled, turning her face into his chest to hide the soft chuckle that escaped from her lips.

"I'm a slow learner," he told her as he offered her a small smile of his own, his eyes closing as he spoke.

Sara sighed contentedly, resting her head more comfortably on his chest and closing her eyes. "Or just very stubborn," she mused, before adding, "but we're together now."

"Hmm," he mumbled, releasing her hand and shifting her closer so he could wrap an arm around her shoulder to rest on her back. "Why didn't we do this years ago?"

"Issues," she grinned as she turned her head to kiss his shirt covered chest. "But, I think we've just about covered most of them."

Grissom cranked open one eye and looked down at the top of her head, smiling, only to close it again before he spoke. "Except the issues you still have with one blonde female cop who you insist was coming on to me!"

"She _was_ coming on to you," Sara groused as she leaned up, propping herself up with her arms on either side of his shoulders to look down into his face. Sofia had practically been hanging all over him at their last crime scene and it was all Sara could do not to stomp right over to her and order her to back off from her man, but she hadn't said anything, knowing that she had him in every way that mattered.

Inching closer she watched his eyes flutter closed as she leaned over him and pressed her lips to his in a soft kiss before pulling back to watch his eyes slowly open. Their eyes met and held, the silent pull between them drawing them closer together until their lips joined again for another soft kiss, which melted into another and then another, until Sara finally pulled away to loom over him, her breath coming in soft gasps. She gazed over him with total adoration as she tried form coherent words. "You┘have no idea why you have so many women falling at your feet, do you?"

"I don't have women falling anywhere, that's just your imagination," he told her with a smile.

"Oh really?" Sara leant over him again, watching his eyes close automatically as she pressed her lips to his again, lingering for a few heavenly seconds before pulling away. "I think you were enjoying watching the two of us in our mind meld cat fight!"

"You can mind meld?" he smiled as he reached up to frame her face in the palm of his hands and pulled her to him again so he could kiss her. Sara's lips hovered over his, her eyes drifting closed again as she covered his mouth with her own. Sara sank into him, nudging his lips with her tongue, silently begging for entry which he readily granted. His mouth opened beneath hers pulling her into a deep, drugging kiss that left them both craving for one another. Their bodies came alive as the kiss deepened further and Grissom's fingers tangled in her hair.

Sara was lost in him; the struggle to keep him rested conflicting with the need for his touch. She could already feel her body's response to him, and for a few indulging moments she almost allowed him to take control of them both and surrender to him completely. Her fingers roamed over his chest, seeking the warm skin beneath his shirt, and when she heard Grissom groan out his need she finally came to her senses and started to pull away from the kiss.

Grissom moaned his frustration, and automatically pulled her closer even when their lips finally parted. Their eyes met in a mutual declaration of unspoken love and commitment, everything was understood in that one precious moment. How had they both survived for so long without each other? Grissom pulled his fingers from her hair, stroking every part of skin they touched until they came to rest on either side of her face. His breathing was still a little heavy as he fought to put his feelings into words. "You are the only woman I want, Sara."

Sara's eyes filled with tears as she smiled down into his eyes. Leaning closer she kissed his lips lightly once more, allowing herself the indulgence of his touch for a few more seconds before sitting up and pulling his hands away from her face. She watched him intently when she turned her head to kiss one of his palms, and then sat up again to perch on the side of the bed, breaking contact with him. She knew he meant every word, she could see it in his eyes, but because of her past and the insecurities still interlocked within her, she still had a hard time believing that it was her he really wanted when he could have had someone else less...damaged.

"You need to get some rest now," she told him gently, hoping he hadn't seen the brief sadness in her eyes. "Those pills should start working soon."

But Grissom had noticed. Before she could deny everything and turn away like she always did when he caught a glimpse of something in her eyes, he reached for her.

"Hey," he asked as he turned his body slightly so he could lift a hand to rest on her back. "What's wrong?"

Sara closed her eyes briefly before opening them just as quickly. Her insecurities had no place here.

"Nothing's wrong," she lied, hiding it with a warm smile. She turned around to face him and gazed down into his beautiful eyes. How could she tell him that she was still so scared that this would all end because good things generally never happened to her? Leaning down to collect another soft kiss, she let her lips linger over his for a few more seconds before pulling back to look down at him. "Now, sleep."

"I sleep better when you're with me," he told her as he pulled on her hand. "Come to bed."

"Grissom...I'm supposed to be taking care of you not sending your blood pressure up a few notches," she chided, knowing that all it took was one puppy dog look from him and she was putty in his hands. She couldn't help the soft chuckle that slipped from her lips when she saw his adorable pout, how could he master that so perfectly, she wondered, even as her body's craving for his touch started telling her that it really didn't matter as to the why's anymore.

"I'll be good," he told her with a smile, "scouts honour."

"You were never a boy scout," she grinned.

" almost was...please honey, I need you to lay with me."

"Okay," she was finding his smile utterly adorable, "but no funny business you hear...or I sleep out there!"

Standing up, she walked around to her side of the bed and sat down on the edge to remove her shoes, the brief sadness she had felt in the last fleeting moment all but disappearing. When she turned to lie down beside him she smiled warmly when she saw he'd already moved his arm to accommodate her, pulling her close to him when she laid her head on his chest.

"I feel better," he whispered on a sigh as he leaned down slightly to plant a soft kiss in her hair.

"Good," she smiled, moving her hand to link her fingers with his on his chest. "Now go to sleep."

"Yes ma'am," he chuckled softly. "When did you get to be so bossy?"

"Around the same time you started to be so argumentative!" Sara smiled as she kissed his chest. "Now, will you please just close your eyes?"

"They are closed," he smirked, unable to keep the happiness from his voice as he felt Sara shift beside him. He knew she was watching him and cranked one eye open to see her smiling face.

"You. Sleep, now, mister!" she told him with an infectious smile. "Or I'm going back out there."

"Okay, boss," he grinned, even though he could feel the blissful numbness creeping into his body.

Sara smiled into his chest and kissed the space above his heart. He was quiet for a long moment and she thought he'd finally succumbed to sleep, but when she settled against him and closed her eyes, he spoke again.

"Endorphins are great...you know...for headaches," his words were softer as he fought to stay awake.

"Gil Grissom," she gasped in mock astonishment, "I thought you were asleep."

"It's a fact...maybe we could try that...next time..."

"I'll think about it. Now close your eyes." Sara laid her head back onto his chest and snuggled closer to his body.

"I feel better," he smiled sleepily. "These are gooood pills!"

"I know they are," she chuckled. "Now, stop talking and go to sleep."

Grissom pulled her closer, his fingers tracing lazy patterns over her back as he closed his eyes. He cherished these moments between them, and thanked whoever was listening for bringing her into his life. Every day she gave him something new, a new hope, a new feeling. He didn't know if there would come a day that he could possibly live without her. He smiled when she turned her head to kiss their joined hands, her lips grazing his knuckles before she let out a contented sigh. He needed to do something nice for her he mused, something to let her know how much he loved her, but his thoughts were muted when his medication started to kick in, fighting to bring the blissful pull of sleep over him.

Sara felt his breathing deepen and smiled as she opened her eyes to watch him. He was such a beautiful man, both in body and spirit. She could never understand this connection between them, but she knew their bond was deeper than anything she'd ever felt before with anyone. Yet, she was still uncertain, still afraid. She'd never been able to hold onto anything this wonderful, and instead of embracing what was possibly the best thing that had ever happened to her, she still couldn't shake the fear that one day he would eventually leave her like everyone else had. Closing her eyes she moved her body closer to his and held him, letting the tears fall silently as she listened to his heartbeat under her ear.

"Honey..." his voice murmured softly, causing her to hurriedly sniff back her tears and lift her head to search his face.

"I thought you were asleep."

He pulled her closer, his voice fighting tiredness. "You know...I love you...don't you?"

Sara gasped softly as fresh tears sprang to her eyes. Her heart was thundering inside her chest and she wondered if this was really just a dream.

Lifting up on one elbow she gazed down into his face and kissed his closed eyes. "I know Gris," her breath caught in her throat as the words she'd wanted so long to say bubbled on her tongue. "I love you too...so much..."

He sighed sleepily beside her and clutched her close to his body. "Gooood," he murmured as their hands joined. A few seconds of silence passed before he spoke again, his voice just a whisper. "Not...heard that for...long time..."

"Not heard what, baby?" she asked, the soft endearment slipping out with ease, surprising her.

"Love..."

"I know," she whispered; joy filling her in every part of her body. "Me neither...but...I do love you..."

"Mmm," he sighed sleepily. "Feels goood."

"I know. You sleep now, okay," her voice was soft as she kissed his chest, and she doubted she'd be sleeping any time soon. He loved her; he'd actually said it. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"K..." he mumbled on a sigh as he squeezed her fingers before finally giving in to the blissful pull of sleep.

Sara lay with her head on his chest and couldn't seem to wipe the silly grin off of her face. Everything had changed in that one precious moment, and as she closed her eyes she knew she would never let this man go. He had mended the broken part inside her with the words she hadn't realised she needed to hear so badly. She was worthy of someone's love. She almost laughed out loud, her thoughts reaching out to everyone who had doubted that she would ever be whole again. Sara Sidle was mended...she was no longer that broken child who moved from one foster home to the next...she was important to someone...and...she was loved.

End

Thanks got reading. I'm a little rusty!


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